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The first time I encountered the "God said you are my husband" phenomenon was at a charismatic church I visited years ago. Almost every woman there was single and "believing God" for a particular man to marry them. It was odd to say the least. Some women kept it to themselves, waiting on the man to get the revelation. But some women opening confronted the men with their revelations which caused the men to go running the other way.
However, something was unsettling, the men almost never received the same "revelation". Most of the time the men was not showing a genuine interest in these women. They were not responding in the way I felt someone who truly wanted to be their husband would respond.
Different expectations of men and women
"The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked; who can know it?"
In Western culture, we as women are socialized from an early age to be married and become mothers. By adulthood many of us are ready for serious relationships that will progress into marriages.
Men on the other hand have a very different trajectory. In Western culture the idea of "sowing one's wild oats" is encouraged and men usually delay marriage for as long as they can.
Many studies show that the average age men and women first get married is increasing. People are not prioritizing marriage as they once did. People are living together without the marriage.
This can cause some conflict when it comes to male/female relationship ideology. Then you put the church on top of that, which is pro-marriage, you can see why many women are believing that they are hearing God tell them who their husband is.
Why aren't men getting the same message?
Acts 10:34 tells us that God is no respecter of persons. He does not have favorites. Well since this is true, why aren't men getting the same message? Why aren't we hearing men equally proclaim God telling them who their wife is. Now we hear some men who meet a woman and it is "love at first sight" and they knew she was "the one", but you rarely hear them say that it was God had to literally come off the throne and tell theme this.
Even when Adam first saw Eve he declared "this is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh". He knew this inwardly without God explicitly having to "declare" this to him. If your favorite cake is chocolate cake, and someone places a slice in front of you, you don't need the baker to declare "this is chocolate cake". You already know.
Why is it usually an unsuspecting man?
Men on the other hand have a very different trajectory. In Western culture the idea of "sowing one's wild oats" is encouraged and men usually delay marriage for as long as they can. Many studies show that the average age men and women first get married is increasing. People are not prioritizing marriage as they once did. People are living together without the marriage.
This can cause some conflict when it comes to male/female relationship ideology. Then you put the church on top of that, which is pro-marriage, you can see why many women are believing that they are hearing God tell them who their husband is.
Why aren't men getting the same message?
Acts 10:34 tells us that God is no respecter of persons. He does not have favorites. Well since this is true, why aren't men getting the same message? Why aren't we hearing men equally proclaim God telling them who their wife is. Now we hear some men who meet a woman and it is "love at first sight" and they knew she was "the one", but you rarely hear them say that it was God had to literally come off the throne and tell theme this.
Even when Adam first saw Eve he declared "this is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh". He knew this inwardly without God explicitly having to "declare" this to him. If your favorite cake is chocolate cake, and someone places a slice in front of you, you don't need the baker to declare "this is chocolate cake". You already know.
Why is it usually an unsuspecting man?
Why would God tell the woman who her mate is, but leave the man clueless. Why is it almost always a man that the woman has a secret sometimes unspoken attraction to, and the man in the situation is going on about his life not knowing. That that seem like God, is He the author of confusion.
God is the author of mutual attractions, not one sided ones. When men are interested they will approach you. Yes some are shy, some may have social anxiety, however in their own way they will let it be known that they have developed an interest in them.
I think that some women may be fooled into believing someone is their husband because they have a strong physical attraction to that person. You remember how it felt to have your first crush in middle school/high school and how it was so strong physically that it was almost obsessive. How the object of your attractive more than likely had no clue and you secretly admired him. Those feelings where so strong, so real, so Earth shattering. However, these women seem to be taking the feelings of "having a crush" and stamping God on it. Because the desire is so strong for this man and we know that the only way we can fulfill these desires is through marriage, I believe that is the basis for them believing that it is God revealing their husband to them. However, would God really reveal a man is your husband when you are in the midst of infatuation to a man who is not reciprocating.
Sometimes the woman misread a man's feelings
Men are hunters, men very visual creators. In the case with me believing someone was my husband, there was a guy in my life that was attracted to me, and I to him. The feelings were mutually and strong, however I failed to realize that men and women were led by different "drives". I was emotionally driven to be in a relationship, and the guy was driven by sexual attraction. These are two different driving factors. As a woman I thought that the feelings men felt toward us was the same feelings we feel toward them. However, no this is not the case. Men are more sexually driven innately, this is how God created them (but they are not to be ruled by that drive) and we must realize this as women. Women may see a man and wonder "wow he is handsome, has himself together seems like a family man. I bet he would make a great husband." Men on the other hand may think "Wow she is hot, I wonder if I could have sex with her". It doesn't mean that men are dirty lustful creatures, God put that desire in them it just get out of balance sometimes. Just like our drive to marry and settle down with the right man can get out of balance.
So basically since the guy didn't get what he wanted sexually, he moved on to the next girl. This left me devastated. The feelings where so strong, so mutual...I was left wondering what happened? So one day I was watching a sermon on tv, and the topic was marriage. The minister discussed how Satan loves attacking the institution of marriage (which he does). Somehow I believed I "received a revelation" that it was the devil who destroyed our "relationship" and that this man was supposed to be my "husband". Time went on and nothing became of it. It wasn't set free of this mindset until I talked to a woman who told me that men can be very attracted to you but it doesn't mean they are are your mate. They just want to mate. Basically.
Why does this phenomenon usually occur exclusively in more charismatic churches
I noticed that this "God said you are my husband" phenomenon almost always occur in the more charismatic churches. The churches where the Spirit of God is moving, the churches full of signs and wonders.
I believe this is because it is expected and encouraged for you to receive revelations from God. However, sometimes the revelations are not from God but from our own hearts.
How do you avoid this happening to you
Study the character of God. Study His nature. Spend time with God in prayer. Just like you are close enough to friends and family to know their voice and no one can fool you, you have to be the same way with God. If my mother calls me in a room full of people, I know her voice. It does not matter how many other voices may be also calling my name, I know her voice. Likewise, I know what my mother would and wouldn't do. So if a stranger comes up to me and say "Your mother wants you to give me a ride". I know that my mother would never tell me to give a stranger a ride. I know that message that the stranger delivered was not from my mother. That is how we need to know God.
God is the author of mutual attractions, not one sided ones. When men are interested they will approach you. Yes some are shy, some may have social anxiety, however in their own way they will let it be known that they have developed an interest in them.
I think that some women may be fooled into believing someone is their husband because they have a strong physical attraction to that person. You remember how it felt to have your first crush in middle school/high school and how it was so strong physically that it was almost obsessive. How the object of your attractive more than likely had no clue and you secretly admired him. Those feelings where so strong, so real, so Earth shattering. However, these women seem to be taking the feelings of "having a crush" and stamping God on it. Because the desire is so strong for this man and we know that the only way we can fulfill these desires is through marriage, I believe that is the basis for them believing that it is God revealing their husband to them. However, would God really reveal a man is your husband when you are in the midst of infatuation to a man who is not reciprocating.
Sometimes the woman misread a man's feelings
Men are hunters, men very visual creators. In the case with me believing someone was my husband, there was a guy in my life that was attracted to me, and I to him. The feelings were mutually and strong, however I failed to realize that men and women were led by different "drives". I was emotionally driven to be in a relationship, and the guy was driven by sexual attraction. These are two different driving factors. As a woman I thought that the feelings men felt toward us was the same feelings we feel toward them. However, no this is not the case. Men are more sexually driven innately, this is how God created them (but they are not to be ruled by that drive) and we must realize this as women. Women may see a man and wonder "wow he is handsome, has himself together seems like a family man. I bet he would make a great husband." Men on the other hand may think "Wow she is hot, I wonder if I could have sex with her". It doesn't mean that men are dirty lustful creatures, God put that desire in them it just get out of balance sometimes. Just like our drive to marry and settle down with the right man can get out of balance.
So basically since the guy didn't get what he wanted sexually, he moved on to the next girl. This left me devastated. The feelings where so strong, so mutual...I was left wondering what happened? So one day I was watching a sermon on tv, and the topic was marriage. The minister discussed how Satan loves attacking the institution of marriage (which he does). Somehow I believed I "received a revelation" that it was the devil who destroyed our "relationship" and that this man was supposed to be my "husband". Time went on and nothing became of it. It wasn't set free of this mindset until I talked to a woman who told me that men can be very attracted to you but it doesn't mean they are are your mate. They just want to mate. Basically.
Why does this phenomenon usually occur exclusively in more charismatic churches
I noticed that this "God said you are my husband" phenomenon almost always occur in the more charismatic churches. The churches where the Spirit of God is moving, the churches full of signs and wonders.
I believe this is because it is expected and encouraged for you to receive revelations from God. However, sometimes the revelations are not from God but from our own hearts.
How do you avoid this happening to you
Study the character of God. Study His nature. Spend time with God in prayer. Just like you are close enough to friends and family to know their voice and no one can fool you, you have to be the same way with God. If my mother calls me in a room full of people, I know her voice. It does not matter how many other voices may be also calling my name, I know her voice. Likewise, I know what my mother would and wouldn't do. So if a stranger comes up to me and say "Your mother wants you to give me a ride". I know that my mother would never tell me to give a stranger a ride. I know that message that the stranger delivered was not from my mother. That is how we need to know God.
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