Sacred Solitude: Why Even in Marriage, We Still Need Holy Alone Time

Sacred Solitude

This morning, I was washing my hair in the bathroom when my husband came in.

Instantly, the stillness I was enjoying felt interrupted. 

Not because he did anything wrong. He simply came in to retrieve whatever he needed. But in that moment, I realized something: I just wanted to enjoy washing my hair in peace. I wanted to condition it slowly, feel the water, sit with my thoughts. I did not want to feel observed. I did not want to feel like I was performing or “on display.”

I just wanted to exist.

And that is when the thought came to me:

Solitude is sacred, even in marriage.

Marriage is beautiful. It is unity, companionship, and covenant. But covenant does not erase individuality. At the end of the day, we are still God’s unique creations.

Somewhere in Christian culture, many of us absorbed the idea that once we are married, we no longer belong to ourselves. We have taken certain scriptures out of context and concluded that our bodies belong to our spouse in such a way that we must always be “on,” always accessible, always available, always open.

But did the Bible actually say that?

“Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed.”
— Mark 1:35

Even Jesus sought solitude.

He was not surrounded by disciples 24/7. He did not require constant companionship to function. He withdrew. He prayed. He recalibrated.

If the Son of God needed alone time, how much more do we?

Scripture also tells us:

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”
— Genesis 2:24

Becoming one flesh does not mean becoming one body, one mind, and one uninterrupted presence.

It means covenantal unity, not the erasure of personhood.

Being in covenant does not cancel individuality.

You are still a mind, a body, a spirit, and a soul with your own personal rhythms. Sometimes you simply need to wash your hair in peace. Sometimes you need to pray alone. Sometimes you need to breathe without being perceived.

That is not rejection.
That is not sin.
That is not rebellion.

It is stewardship of self.

And in the end, solitude strengthens unity.

When you take time to recalibrate, to think, to pray, and to simply exist; you return to your spouse whole instead of depleted.

Holy alone time does not weaken marriage.  It preserves it.