Interpersonal Strategy in Life

“Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding.” — Proverbs 4:7 (KJV)

A skill that is very important to develop is interpersonal strategy.  Oftentimes in life, whether at work, school, church, within families, or elsewhere, we find ourselves involved in situations and circumstances that were never ours to take on in the first place.  We take on too many responsibilities. We become too close to people who drain us. We give explanations that were never required. We answer questions that people were never entitled to ask in the first place.  A lot of this happens because we spend too much time trying to understand, accommodate, or change people instead of learning how to appropriately deal with them.

I have learned that understanding people is not enough. You also have to know how to maneuver around them.

I am naturally empathic and want to understand why people behave the way they do. Why did she say that? Why does he always respond that way? Why does this person need so much attention? What happened in their life that made them this way? Understanding human behavior can be useful, but there comes a point when understanding someone does absolutely nothing to solve the problem in front of you.

Sometimes I don't need to figure you out.

I just need to know how to deal with you.

That is interpersonal strategy.

Instead of always asking, Why is this person behaving this way? I am learning to ask better questions:

What does this situation require from me? How much access does this person need to me? Is this something I need to respond to at all? Is this even my problem?

Those questions can save you a whole lot of unnecessary stress.

Not every complaint requires accommodation.

We live in a society that has taken “the customer is always right” and applied it to almost every human interaction. People believe that because they are unhappy, uncomfortable, disappointed, offended, or inconvenienced, somebody else is automatically responsible for fixing it.

No.

Sometimes you are unhappy because you didn't get your way.

Sometimes you are uncomfortable because somebody told you no.

Sometimes you are disappointed because another person made a decision that worked for them instead of making the decision you wanted them to make.

Your feelings can be real without creating an obligation for somebody else.

In closing, remember, interpersonal strategy is learning that you can care about people without carrying them. You can understand them without fixing them, acknowledge their feelings without accommodating them, and interact with them without giving them unlimited access to you. Sometimes wisdom is simply knowing what belongs to you, and what does not.

“Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.” — Proverbs 4:23 (KJV)