Does God instruct us to "Wait on Him" for mates?

  Does God instruct us to "Wait on Him" for mates?  As you may know I recently got married and I now have a different opinion on the whole "Waiting on God for a mate" narrative.  Let me share my story.

In 2019 I was just fed up with being single.  I had been waiting and waiting patiently for years on God to "send someone" to me.  On New Year's Day I vowed within myself to at least meet the man that I would marry by the end of the year.  

I have to admit, I have said things like that before and nothing would happen.  But this year was different.  Instead of me just praying and fasting and waiting, I decided to step outside of the box and meet people.

I started by going to outings and events where men would attend.  And lo and behold, within weeks I have met someone.   I talked to this person for months, however, things did not go anywhere.  But I valued the experience.

Fast forward to August, I didn't let the fact that things did not work out with that one guy deter me. I asked my cousin (who is like a big brother to me) did he know of any good Godly men.  He told me that he will look.  By September he gave my phone number to the man who would become my husband; a man my cousin had been knowing for over 10 years.  

In conclusion I do not believe God wants us to passively sit back and wait on Him for mates.  I think that we should pray, but also take action.  We have to go out there and meet new people.  

We also cannot put God in a box and expect Him to answer our prayer in a certain way.  I was expecting to meet my husband at church, I never knew it would be through my cousin.  However, God and His wisdom was still guiding the process. 

     

Stop trying to control the narrative, Trust wholly in the Lord.

Today I want to talk about trusting in the Lord.  One area in my life that I have struggled with is the need to control the narrative. I will pray and expect God to answer it in a certain way.  However, sometimes this caused me to be discouraged when it didn't happen that way, or almost miss what He was doing.  

When I was single, I would pray for God to "send me a husband" and would ask Him to send my future husband to my church.  I would go Sabbath after Sabbath anticipating meeting someone but it would never happen.  I spent years not looking out of the box and waiting for the man of my dreams to walk through the church doors.  

However, when I finally did meet my husband it wasn't at church.  Matter of fact, it was through a cousin.  So if I was stuck at looking for someone to show up at church during praise and worship I may have missed my opportunity.  

What I Wish I Had Done Differently as a Single Woman

Updated:  August 29, 2026

Now that I am married, I sometimes think about what I would have done differently during my single years.

First, I would have used my time more wisely. I would have established my career earlier, which would have helped me establish my finances earlier. I would have entered marriage better prepared financially because marriage is a major financial undertaking—especially in the world we live in today.

I would have also understood that finding a spouse requires intentionality. It cannot be God doing all the work while you sit at home twiddling your thumbs. Looking back, I sometimes wonder whether I might have married in my twenties if I had been more deliberate.

At the time, I thought dating was “worldly.” I believed that all I had to do was pray and God would bring my husband to me. However, I eventually realized that prayer does not remove our responsibility to participate in our own lives. I could have gone on dates, met more people, traveled, had more fun, and understood that I had agency in the matter.

Agency is the ability to make choices and take actions that influence the direction of your life. I did not fully understand that I had this power. I believed God had created one specific blueprint for my life and that my responsibility was simply to discover and follow it.

One day, my husband and I had a conversation that caused me to rethink my theology concerning God and the will of God. I no longer believe that God has created one predetermined road map for our lives and that one wrong turn will cause us to miss our destiny.

I now believe we are partially responsible for shaping our destiny. God may give us wisdom, abilities, opportunities, and guidance, but we still have choices to make.

Our destiny is dynamic, not static. It is not a finished script waiting for us to follow every line perfectly. It develops as we make decisions, gain knowledge, encounter new opportunities, and respond to changing circumstances. We can adjust, choose another direction, and create possibilities that did not previously exist.

If I could speak to my younger self, I would tell her: Pray, but also participate. Trust God, but use wisdom. Build your life, explore your options, and understand that you have a meaningful role in shaping what your future becomes.