What I Wish I Had Done Differently as a Single Woman

Updated:  August 29, 2026

Now that I am married, I sometimes think about what I would have done differently during my single years.

First, I would have used my time more wisely. I would have established my career earlier, which would have helped me establish my finances earlier. I would have entered marriage better prepared financially because marriage is a major financial undertaking—especially in the world we live in today.

I would have also understood that finding a spouse requires intentionality. It cannot be God doing all the work while you sit at home twiddling your thumbs. Looking back, I sometimes wonder whether I might have married in my twenties if I had been more deliberate.

At the time, I thought dating was “worldly.” I believed that all I had to do was pray and God would bring my husband to me. However, I eventually realized that prayer does not remove our responsibility to participate in our own lives. I could have gone on dates, met more people, traveled, had more fun, and understood that I had agency in the matter.

Agency is the ability to make choices and take actions that influence the direction of your life. I did not fully understand that I had this power. I believed God had created one specific blueprint for my life and that my responsibility was simply to discover and follow it.

One day, my husband and I had a conversation that caused me to rethink my theology concerning God and the will of God. I no longer believe that God has created one predetermined road map for our lives and that one wrong turn will cause us to miss our destiny.

I now believe we are partially responsible for shaping our destiny. God may give us wisdom, abilities, opportunities, and guidance, but we still have choices to make.

Our destiny is dynamic, not static. It is not a finished script waiting for us to follow every line perfectly. It develops as we make decisions, gain knowledge, encounter new opportunities, and respond to changing circumstances. We can adjust, choose another direction, and create possibilities that did not previously exist.

If I could speak to my younger self, I would tell her: Pray, but also participate. Trust God, but use wisdom. Build your life, explore your options, and understand that you have a meaningful role in shaping what your future becomes.