Recently, I was watching a prayer livestream when a woman came on, visibly heartbroken. She asked for prayer, explaining that the man she believed was God's chosen husband for her was marrying someone else that weekend. She was devastated, emotionally crushed and spiritually confused. She had prayed, fasted, and genuinely believed she had heard from God. But what happens when our deepest desires start sounding like His voice? That moment made me reflect on how often well-meaning women, my younger self included, mistake emotional intensity for divine revelation.
The First Time I Encountered This Phenomenon
The first time I personally encountered the "God said you are my husband" phenomenon was years ago at a charismatic church I visited. Nearly every single woman there was “believing God” for marriage, specifically to men they had already singled out within the church as their future husbands.
Some women kept their revelation to themselves, waiting for the man to receive the same divine download. Others were bolder, they approached the men directly and declared their revelation. The result? Most of the men ran in the opposite direction.
What struck me most was that the men never received the same revelation. Their actions did not reflect genuine interest, let alone the behavior of a man who believed he was looking at his future wife.
Different Expectations for Men and Women
“The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked; who can know it?” —Jeremiah 17:9
In Western culture, women are often socialized from childhood to dream of marriage and motherhood. By adulthood, many women are emotionally and mentally ready for serious commitment.
Men, on the other hand, are often encouraged to “sow their wild oats.” Marriage is frequently viewed as something to delay. Studies show the average age of first marriage continues to rise. People are living together without marrying, and some avoid commitment altogether.
So, when you add church teachings that prioritize marriage, it's not surprising that many women start to believe that God is revealing who their husband is—even if the man hasn’t received the same message.
Why Aren’t Men Hearing the Same Message?
Acts 10:34 says, “God is no respecter of persons.” If that's true, why do we rarely hear men declaring, “God told me she’s my wife”?
Sure, some men might say, “I knew she was the one since the moment I met her,” but it’s rarely framed as a supernatural revelation. Even Adam didn’t need God to verbally confirm Eve. When he saw her, he said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh.” He knew, deeply and instinctively.
If chocolate cake is your favorite dessert and someone puts a slice in front of you, you don’t need the baker to announce what it is. You recognize it.
Why Is It Usually an Unsuspecting Man?
If God is the author of order, why would He reveal a romantic future to one person but leave the other clueless? And why does it always seem to be someone the woman already secretly admires?
That doesn’t sound like divine alignment. It sounds more like infatuation dressed up in spiritual language.
God is the author of mutual attraction, not confusion. When a man is genuinely interested, he will usually show it, whether through direct pursuit or subtle consistency. Even shy or socially anxious men have ways of making their feelings known.
Attraction Can Masquerade as RevelationSometimes, we confuse deep physical attraction with divine insight. Remember how intense a middle school crush felt? It was obsessive and consuming even though the other person was unaware of our feelings.
Some women experience similar intensity but spiritualize it. Because marriage is seen as the only "holy" way to express that desire, they convince themselves that God must be revealing their husband to them.
But would God truly confirm someone as your husband while that man is showing no signs of reciprocation?
When Emotion Meets Doctrine: Confusing Interest for Divine Assignment
My own journey is a perfect example of how emotion and doctrine can collide in confusing ways. As a teenager, I once believed that a particular young man was my God-ordained husband. Looking back, I see it for what it was, two teenagers caught in a swirl of feelings. But at the time, I was certain he was sent by God.
That belief took root after I was introduced to a new teaching at a charismatic church I visited. The message was centered on soulmates and the idea that God has handpicked one specific person for everyone on Earth. I fell in love with that concept—hard—and without realizing it, I applied it to the very first guy who showed me attention during that season of my life.
Why This Happens More in Charismatic Churches
I’ve noticed that these situations are far more common in charismatic churches, communities where hearing directly from God is emphasized and expected. These environments foster a deep hunger for revelation, which is beautiful. But sometimes, people confuse their own desires with God's voice.
When we want something deeply, we can mistake internal yearnings for divine leading.
How to Avoid This Trap
Get to know God for yourself.
Study His nature. Spend time in prayer. When you walk closely with God, you’ll recognize His voice clearly, just like you know the voice of your mother in a crowded room. No one could trick you into believing your mother told you something she wouldn’t actually say.
The same should be true with God. When someone (even your own heart) delivers a message that doesn’t align with His nature, you’ll know it's not from Him.
God doesn’t play games with your heart. He never asks you to chase, convince, or cling to someone who isn't choosing you. And He certainly doesn’t need you to manipulate a man into loving you in order to fulfill His promise.
Wait on what’s mutual. Wait on what’s confirmed, by action, not just emotion. And most importantly, wait on God.
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